I'd Date More if My Clothes Weren't Handwash-Only

When you’re over 30 and single, it seems like life becomes a recurring snippet of Bridget Jones’ Diary, sans the two hot men locked in a comedic epic battle for your affections. (We could all only be so lucky.)  Every social interaction includes some happily married person asking “why aren’t you dating anyone?” The reality for us single moms is, there are more chores to be done than time. And since my ex’s 2013 New Year’s resolution was clearly to stop paying child support, maid and nanny services just aren’t a possibility.
     Yeah, yeah. I hear “you have to make you a priority” all the time. Wow, that sounds great! Want to babysit so I can go troll happy hours or accept a date from one of the many hideous weirdos offering to be my prince on Match.com? No? Really. Okay. Well, I’ll make me a priority as soon as my daughter turns 16 and starts driving herself to her extracurricular activities every day. Maybe by then, she’ll actually help with the dishes in a meaningful way, too.
    To some degree, online dating is a blessing as much as a curse for people like me. Yes, it cuts down significantly on the amount of time you have to invest away from your chores and kids in order to meet someone you might actually like. The only problem is, like many single moms, I only get two free nights a month to myself, if that. By the time they roll around, (assuming my ex actually shows up for his designated visit times), I’ve either got too much work to catch up on or am too exhausted to go out. But, I have resolved to put more effort into it for 2016, if that counts for anything with those married friends and family so traumatized by my independent state. I solemnly swear I will accept at least one date per month if any of the men who ask seem sane and resemble a decade-older version of Armie Hammer or any of the hot 30-something blue-eyed actors named Chris. Okay, okay, I’ll leave the celebrity resemblances requirement off.
     Resolutions aside, the universe seems to be screaming, “Hey, you’ve had your shot. Let the childless women do the dating now. Get back to work!” No matter how hard I try to make time for myself, fate intervenes. The kid gets sick. The dog eats a poisonous plant and gets sick. All over the floor. I get a flat tire. I get sick. (Probably thanks to the kid.) There’s an emergency deadline at work. My boss gets sick. (Meaning more work for me.) I hurt myself. The toilet leaks. School holiday. Ex gets “sick” (i.e. goes to Florida) and cancels weekend possession. Again. Homework includes a weekend project…that requires shopping for special supplies.  Mini fridge dies and requires sanitization. HOA is upset that the lawn guy skipped a week due to rain. Oh, and paint that trim 40 feet up that no one can see unless they’re standing in your driveway.  There’s just never enough time in the day. What’s a single girl to do?
     Yes, Mom, I will try to find you a new son-in-law, I swear. Getting right on top of finding that neurosurgeon who looks like Troy Aikman (ack!) you dreamed I'd marry. Just as soon as I get done washing the six loads of hand-wash/line-dry-only clothes piled up in the hallway. I should be done by November.
    Leave a comment if you’ve got a creative solution that doesn’t involve armies of maids and a full-time nanny.