Valentine, Don't Lower the Bar

Egads! Valentine's Day is coming and I don't have a date! I swear every single guy on Match.com must be thinking that. Suddenly, the standard for asking someone out is "breathing" and the number of messages coming in have quadrupled. Come on, singles, you can do better than that!
   Valentine's Day is JUST another date on the calendar. If you're in a relationship, sure, it's a great excuse to make your other half feel special. If you're already thinking of asking someone out, it's a good kick in the butt to take the plunge. But seriously - I've spent the last five Valentine's Days completely single and not only survived, but seem to be healthier than ever. It's not that I'm anti-romantic, just that I don't see much point in getting twisted in knots over some nonexistent rule that everyone must have a date on that one day of the year.
   If you're facing V-Day alone, do something for yourself instead of fretting over what, or who, you don't have. And for Heaven's sake, don't lower the bar or expect others to do so if you're online dating. The reality is that accepting a date with someone you're not interested in just because you're otherwise going to be alone on a specific day is a recipe for disaster. It could make that special day even worse than it would've been if you were alone. Honestly, I'm talking "coyote ugly" without the excuse of alcohol.
   So instead of relentlessly pursuing any human being who will speak to you to address your rising sense of desperation, stop, breathe, and get a grip on your sanity. No date? Make one for yourself. I like to do something for my community or myself when I'm alone on Valentine's Day. Oddly enough, my attached girlfriends are usually disappointed or angry that the day didn't work out as expected, while I end the day feeling pretty good.
   So, if you ARE going to insist upon lowering the bar this time of year: make it be the bar of expectations you have for Valentine's Day. You don't NEED a date, you need to be happy. Those things are not necessarily dependent upon each other.

Guys: 5 Critical Online Dating Don'ts

Guys, we get it. You pay good money to join an online dating service. You invest MINUTES of your day looking at pictures and identifying all the beautiful women you'd like to date. Then you flirt, wink, email, swipe, whatever. Here's a few things you should NEVER DO next:

1. Make contact without reading the lady's profile. Amazingly enough, you may find out she's not for you before you ever click "like" on that pretty face. Save yourself the agony of unwarranted rejection by taking a minute or two to read her profile. If she's "white collar only" and you repair cars for a living, you're going to get a "no" or no response for sure. If she's "non-smokers only" and you're "trying to quit," well, you do the math. Better to know up front, huh? That may be just why those profiles are there.
2. Be impatient. Some of us ladies get dozens to hundreds of contact attempts. Some weeks are worse than others. Some are burnt out with the endless pool of nut jobs that preceded you and think carefully before replying. DON'T FREAK OUT. Give a girl a week or two to respond. If she doesn't, she's probably not interested or isn't all that invested in finding a date through the service. MOVE ON.
3. Get angry. Lashing out at a lady because she says "no thank you" or doesn't respond is a quick way to get yourself banned from the service. No refunds. Thank your lucky stars you found out she wasn't into you BEFORE you wasted time or money on an in-person meeting.
4. "Research" her. Searching for information on a potential date online is not only creepy, it's a little bit stalker-like. Many social media sites will let her know if you've checked her out, as do many digital reputation services. Trying to "friend" or "follow" a woman before you've even met is just plain weird. Just...don't. (FYI: Harassing/stalking online is now a crime in most states.)
5. Contact her outside the service without her permission. Yes, it's somewhat easy to find almost anyone on the internet nowadays with very little information to get you started. This does not mean it's okay. Calling a woman you're interested in or showing up at her place of work, home, or places you're pretty sure you'll find her just to circumvent her ability to choose whether or not to meet or talk to you is even creepier than stalking a lady online. And yes, doing these things without her permission is borderline crazy. (Trust me, she will not see it as romantic.) Just wait until she gives you her number or other info. Addendum: if she at any point says she is not interested, further pursuit could be construed as criminal harassment or stalking. Best to simply accept the no and look elsewhere.

Surprisingly enough, if you'll just be patient and reasonable in your contact efforts, you'll eventually meet someone, even if you aren't built like a professional athlete or sporting movie star looks. Just remember: seek out COMPATIBLE women NEAR YOUR AGE (not just the pretty, young ones), be yourself, then be patient. If you're getting a ton of "no's" or no response, rethink your strategy. Maybe try doing the opposite of Don't #1 above.