Is Online Dating Worth the Fees?

Before you pay that exorbitant fee, here are some things to consider about online dating and whether or not it will really afford you a better shot at a happy relationship than meeting someone out on your own.

CONS:

1. Most services are designed to optimize the money they make off of memberships. That’s why they want hundreds of dollars up front for 3-6 months and set you up to automatically renew.  The owners know your chances of really meeting a life match are slim. Want to see this in action? Sign up for a free trial, let it expire and watch how many emails with blocked pictures and suppressed profile info land in your inbox prompting you to subscribe to find out more about the person who showed interest in you. There’s a 95% chance (number based on experience, no data) the person behind that suppressed picture isn’t attractive, has nothing in common or is way too old or young for you, but you'll have to pay to find out.
2.  Men online are all pretty much seeking supermodels. If you’re average, carrying a little extra weight, or over 35, most men, old or young, fat or thin, ugly or handsome, are going to skip over you in pursuit of the ones who look like movie stars. Since there are thousands of women to choose from, the cycle of rejection that usually causes reality to set in and direct them toward someone “normal” in a traditional sense takes much longer to complete online. How do I know this? I let my friend-sponsored membership expire, updated my headline and profile to say I can only see winks, and yet I still get scores of photo likes and emails every day from men who have been subscribed for months, even years. These men are ONLY looking at pictures, and it’s the majority of them. The few who do read enough to know to wink are generally way too old or unattractive to ever catch my eye, and clearly still have no shared interests. Attractive men my own age indicate in their profiles they’re all looking for women who are 21-35, which tells me a shiny trophy is really their only goal.
3.  Most services provide you no safety filters whatsoever. There is no validation of identity (unless you yourself choose to have yours validated for an extra fee), no background check and no verification that there is any truth behind their photos or profiles. Basically, people online are often even less truthful about who they are than in person, because in a bar they can’t hide their big noses or balding pates. At least in real life, you can see the “tells” when a guy is lying to you. You don’t get that chance online. In either situation, there is no way of knowing if they’re actually single, but at least in real life you can tell if a guy is creepy up front. And there’s no doubt whether or not they’re actually “athletic & toned,” which seems to be the description of virtually every man online.
4.  If you are attractive or at least have a pretty profile picture, you’re going to get deluged and spend hours weeding through the bad matches. You’re going to get chastised when you say no to people who wouldn’t even try to approach you in real life. And you’re going to get digitally stalked by some. Not that this couldn’t happen in real life, but at least then you have the option of simply walking away.
5.  Too many men online view it more as a call-girl service than a place to meet that special someone. Okay, that’s most men in bars, too. Never mind.

PROS

1.  You have more options. In real life, it’s a matter of chance whether or not you’ll bump into someone who is single and looking to date, especially if you live in married suburbia like me. It’s even tougher if you work long hours and/or are a single parent. Online, it’s guaranteed they’re looking to date and a good chance they’re actually single, and your geographic and social circles are greatly expanded. If you do happen to be attractive and under 35, your options are almost endless compared to any other avenue.
2.  It’s easier to say no. The worst is when you’re out and can’t shake that mine that is clinging to you and scaring real prospects away. It happens to me all the time. I go out with my friends or to some event and someone I’d never date in a million years monopolizes my entire evening no matter how hard I try to send him on his way. At least online most services give you the option of blocking that guy who just can’t take no for an answer and he can't prevent other more interesting people from talking to you.
3.  You can be just as choosy as the guys. Sure, they make their decision at first glance, but you don’t have to. Online, you get the chance to have a few conversations before deciding whether or not to go out with someone, let alone give him your personal contact info. When you first meet a man in a public place like a bar, you have to decide on that first meeting and swap numbers or email addresses right then.

Realistically speaking, there are no guarantees you’re going to meet your “forever” person whether it’s in real life or online. I personally believe that if you simply focus on doing the things you enjoy and making the most of life, love will come along in its own time. Of course, you’ve got to get out of the house and be available for that to happen. So clean those ghosts out of your attic and dust off those dancing shoes in your closet and just get out and have some fun.