Rejecting the Crazies (How To)

I don’t know about the other services, but Match.com has some fairly strict processes you need to follow to ensure that it continues to make valid recommendations for you. One of those is using the “No Thanks” link instead of custom emailing a match you don’t intend to meet. Why? Because once you email someone, Match ASSUMES you’re interested in them and ignores any filters you may have previously set up that would apply to that person. (This is documented in the help section.)  For example, if you’re a non-smoker and strictly refuse to date even an occasional smoker, replying by email to a smoker will cause Match to ignore your smoking preferences.
     So here’s the interesting side effect of that paradigm.  Check out the thread from one temperamental frog who’s ego was clearly bruised by a formulaic rejection:

Hi from <City>
My name is <removed> and I too am <your age> and live in <your town>. You have me intrigued. My sense of humor is bigger than my ego and I want you to temper what you are about to read with that in mind…that’s your codex w/o which you’ll misinterpret me….

If I were a woman I probably would have written something fairly similar to what you wrote – part shield to pre-teens writing you with erections and part enticing to a more mature older guy with a big brain. If you are looking to interact with someone that does not want to jump into bed with you (immediately) and can match your intellect (or surpass it – hard to say from a profile) I might be worth responding to. I can not speak on whether you find me physically appealing, but most do. I am also an ex-professional athlete – a touche’ to your modeling career – LOL.

You are highly interesting to me. I hope that turns out to be mutual.

Signed, <Questionable Guy>

    Honestly, this message alone was probably enough to merit a “no thanks,” and my instincts were to not even look at the profile, but then this came:

Oh my

Well I took a power nap and reread my message and a fresher brain is a little sheepish for probably coming off like a pompous ass. I’m nice to a fault more than anything and new to this cyber dating nonsense. I’m earthy and I’m certain I did not come off that way.
I will say that it has been very hard to find someone inteligent to talk to. Man I miss intelligent conversation. I’m even starting to lol and lmao and rofl. What has the effing world come to? 

    Hmmm…Okay, read the profile. Nothing in common. He’s sedentary, I’m athletic. He’s agnostic, I’m Christian. He talks about being funny but there’s nothing humorous at all about his profile. There are several indicators that he may be slightly insecure and carry a chip on his shoulder. AND he’s clearly got a decent-sized belly. (I know I’m shallow, but decent abs are a must for me.)  I click “No thanks,” and move on to the next 30 or so messages, winks and likes I need to review. (I try to give them all a good look if they’re even close to my age preference, education level and not ugly, and that takes more time than I have most days.)  As I’m just about to shut down Outlook for the night, one last message comes in:

Hey

At the end of the of the day, I have no interest in someone who doesn’t have the courage to speak and hides behind a button. I’m sorry I misjudged you as a strong, intelligent woman and sorry for wasting our collective time.

     (Note the underlying need to appear to be the rejector instead of rejected.) Of course, insulting me is going to make me change my mind. To quote many idiotic but accurate 90’s characters: NOT! But, for the sake of the other women who are likely to encounter this guy, for once I decide to respond – something I probably should not have done, but too late to un-spill that milk.

Before I block you, just be aware that a lot of women on this service get hundreds of messages. No one has time to answer them all. AND this system modifies the selections it makes for you based on who you actually email vs. clicking “No thanks,” so you follow the process to avoid getting too many recommendations you’re going to decline.

Clearly you have some serious personal issues you need to work out with a temper like that. I made the right call saying no thanks. Go get yourself right before you try to date, and keep in mind if too many end up blocking you, they’ll kick you off, so try to be nice.

     Okay, that last sentence was a run-on, but I doubt he’ll notice since he’s likely seeing red and struggled with spelling “intelligent” correctly earlier on. Fortunately, he won’t be able to tell me about it because I immediately clicked “Block from contact.”
     The take-away here is that you shouldn’t worry about what the rejected person is going to think when you click “No thanks” or whatever decline option your service offers you. If he’s got ego problems like this one clearly had, he’s going to get angry no matter what you say or do. So stick with the process – use the tools you’re given and stay safe and sane. If the guy (or gal) is rude, block that person from contacting you and report them if they seem dangerous.  There’s “you bruised my ego” rude like this guy, then there’s just plain crazy. Your instincts should inform you as to which is which. A minor under-handed insult like his will hurt no one, but if he threatens you or continues to harass you, do everyone else a service and report the nut job before he actually manages to hurt someone.
     Also, don’t do like I did in this case and engage someone who baits you in a conversation. I’ve gotten plenty of messages that were like this or worse as a result of saying “no.” (One retorted with a "and you call yourself slim" despite having sent me several messages extolling my beauty prior to my canned rejection.) I report them when it makes sense, block anyone who acts like that, and then delete their email. Keep in mind that any person who is rude to strangers isn’t worth your time.  Count your blessings you didn’t accept a date with him, then move on.
     Finally – listen to your gut when it comes to meeting men online. I made the mistake of convincing myself that one of them was okay despite my gut telling me otherwise.  We’ll just call him “Scary Stalker Guy.” Enough said.