Avoiding Photo Crimes

Ladies, studies have shown that you need to have at least three good, flattering pictures to get attention via an online dating service. And, if you’re in decent shape, at least one full body shot will get much better response than headshots only.  Given it seems most men treat an online dating service like a catalog, having quality pictures is critical to getting your money's worth from whatever service you join.
     However, if you're serious about finding a quality date, you REALLY need to avoid posting pictures of yourself that fall into any of these common no-no categories:

• The duck-faced, cleavage-baring selfie (men get sick of these fast)
• The too much makeup/sleazy clothes photo (unless you want them to think you’re a hooker)
• The bathroom mirror selfie (including phone)
• The driving my car selfie (unsafe and unoriginal)
• The yoga pose (unoriginal)
• The bad hair day photo (it might seem funny, but is a guaranteed date repellent unless you’re a Victoria’s Secret model)
• The food-in-mouth photo (another guaranteed date repellent)
• The look-at-me-drinking-alcohol/partying photo (especially bad in bulk)
• The lying-in-bed “sexy” shot (unless you’re only seeking one-night stands or looking for creeps and predators)
• The bikini shot (see above)
• The kissing-another-girl photo (again, will only draw creeps)
• Pictures of you with other men, unless they are relatives and your captions say so
• Pictures of you with other women who are in better shape or cuter than you
• Pictures of you acting sexy with other women (unless you’re actually looking for a ménage a trois)
• Cheesy glamour shots with big hair and loud make-up
• Pictures of you doing anything rude, crude or stupid
• More than one picture of your pet(s)
• Pictures of your kid(s) – avoid this for safety reasons, too
• Pictures of you in a wedding dress, unless it’s from Halloween and you have a cleaver sticking out of your head. No, just skip the wedding dress.
• The I-just-gave-birth photo (man repellent for sure)
• Pictures with bad coloring or lighting issues (Try changing it to black and white if it’s otherwise a good picture.)
• Pictures that are more than a year old
• Pictures of random landscapes or objects that have no captions to explain their presence
• Scores of the dorky, posed “Look at me, I’m in a foreign country” shot (you’ll scare off any men that haven’t travelled as much)
• Grainy or pictures that require a microscope
• Anything a potential date has to squint at to figure out what you look like
• For safety – avoid photos that show information that makes you easy to find/stalk: last name, workplace, home address, license plate, school name (if you or your kids are still in school)

     Some of you will argue that the “sexy” or “party” photos get you more attention. While this may be true, it’s probably not going to be healthy attention that you get. There are plenty of creeps and future stalkers/sex offenders online, and those types of pictures will inevitably attract them and not so much the guys who are worth your time. So, even though those pictures of you with your boobs hanging out all over the place while you down the contents of a giant beer bong will get you plenty of dates, before you post those kinds of photos, consider whether you are seriously looking to meet a prince, or just hoping to kiss as many frogs as possible, charmed or not. Oh, and if a guy asks you for a photo like that, decline and move on. More than likely, he’s just looking to collect bed post notches and might leave you with a sweet little STD in the process.
       Do include pictures that reflect your personality and give viewers a good idea of what you look like. Here are some ideas:

• At least one nice headshot that isn’t overly posed
• Candid photos that depict you happy or having fun (without alcohol)
• Photos of you doing something you love to do
• Photos of something you actually enjoy that the guys all love, too, like attending a professional sport event, fishing, hunting (Just remember, he’ll expect you to do the same with him, so don’t fake it.)
• Photos should be at least 600×400 in size
• Keep the number of photos between 3 and 10 – any less gets limited response and any more makes you seem narcissistic
• At least one flattering full body shot, even if you’re a little overweight. Sure, you’ll be less likely to get responses from those shallow men who look like movie stars than if you don’t, but you’ll be more likely to get a call back if your date isn’t surprised by your body type when he finally meets you.

     All in all, if you’re truly looking to meet someone special and not just become another flavor of the week, your photos should be honest, clear visualizations of who you are, not how you want to be seen. You might end up with fewer responses, but do you really want to hear from tons of men who aren’t likely to turn out to be your Prince Charming? (Trust me, it’s just a waste of time.)  There is someone out there for you, and he’ll appreciate you for who you are and how you really look.

The Problem with Visible Ages

The whole concept of online dating seems a bit comedic to me given it appears to encourage people of all ages and genders to pursue an unattainable and likely non-existent concept of their perfect mate, thereby undermining any chances they might have at finding true happiness with someone who is actually right for them. For women my age, online dating can be either highly entertaining or extremely frustrating, depending on your attitude and point of view. (I lean toward finding it entertaining.) Most women in their 40’s really just want to meet a man their own age, within their own level of attraction, who shares similar beliefs and attitudes. It seems most men in their 40’s just want to meet women in their 20’s who love to laugh, travel and look like supermodels. The end result for us 40-something ladies is that we get a lot of messages from men who either look like our dads or could be our sons, but little in between and almost none we’d ever really seriously consider dating outside the digital world. Men our own age simply pass us by as “too old” even if we’re younger than they are. (This assumption is based on the fact that the average 45 year-old-man’s profile says he’s looking for someone 21-35.) My personal experience has been that there are very few men who do anything beyond looking at pictures and maybe age before clicking a thumbs up or flirt button, because 99% of those I receive have absolutely zero in common with me.
     I could be wrong, but I’m thinking if you’re between 35 and 45, chances are slim you’re going to meet a man who was born in the same timeframe that’s actually interested in meeting a woman his own age via online dating, simply because he can see the numbers. I have a much better chance of meeting a man born in the same decade as me if I’m out at a bar getting hit on by men who THINK I’m 32 but are too scared to ask. Of course, the down side of that is that the 20-somethings, who are severely inexperienced when it comes to estimating people’s ages, will hit on me, too, because they assume everyone in the bar who isn’t wrinkled and sporting grey hair is 21-30.
     So, if you think online dating is your only hope for meeting someone, be prepared to look at men who are at least 10 years older than you and possibly in need of pharmaceutical aid to keep up with you, especially if you’re over 35. If you’re like me and couldn’t convince yourself to date someone so far removed from your generational culture, don’t pay that fee online. I’m certainly glad I’m not the one who wasted money on my membership. Although I guess if I were just looking to hook up with a bunch of old men and pups, I’d be set.
     If only men would take my advice: Stop looking for women who could be your children. They’re only going to take your money and ditch you for someone their own age. Dating a 23 year-old will not make you look cool but will get you questions like, “Oh, how cute. Father-daughter dinner?” You will feel much older than you are when you realize you can’t keep up with her and will likely injure yourself trying to make sure you can. Why do this to yourself when there are scores of hot single women within 5 years of your age who would love to go out with you and aren’t just looking for a Daddy Warbucks?
     So, to sum this up: Men 40-49 seek women 21-35 and filter out everyone else. Women 21-35 seek men 21-35 unless the older man shows a six-figure income. Women 40-49 seek men 40-49 but never get a response from them. Men 21-35 seek women 21-121. (They don’t care as long as they "get some" or can profit from the relationship.) Men 50-100 seek women 18-45 and get rejected unless their income is over $150,000 AND they drive a really cool car. Women 45-121 might as well say yes to the men 21-35 or get a boob job and hit the bar scene. Don’t you just love online dating?

Rejecting the Crazies (How To)

I don’t know about the other services, but Match.com has some fairly strict processes you need to follow to ensure that it continues to make valid recommendations for you. One of those is using the “No Thanks” link instead of custom emailing a match you don’t intend to meet. Why? Because once you email someone, Match ASSUMES you’re interested in them and ignores any filters you may have previously set up that would apply to that person. (This is documented in the help section.)  For example, if you’re a non-smoker and strictly refuse to date even an occasional smoker, replying by email to a smoker will cause Match to ignore your smoking preferences.
     So here’s the interesting side effect of that paradigm.  Check out the thread from one temperamental frog who’s ego was clearly bruised by a formulaic rejection:

Hi from <City>
My name is <removed> and I too am <your age> and live in <your town>. You have me intrigued. My sense of humor is bigger than my ego and I want you to temper what you are about to read with that in mind…that’s your codex w/o which you’ll misinterpret me….

If I were a woman I probably would have written something fairly similar to what you wrote – part shield to pre-teens writing you with erections and part enticing to a more mature older guy with a big brain. If you are looking to interact with someone that does not want to jump into bed with you (immediately) and can match your intellect (or surpass it – hard to say from a profile) I might be worth responding to. I can not speak on whether you find me physically appealing, but most do. I am also an ex-professional athlete – a touche’ to your modeling career – LOL.

You are highly interesting to me. I hope that turns out to be mutual.

Signed, <Questionable Guy>

    Honestly, this message alone was probably enough to merit a “no thanks,” and my instincts were to not even look at the profile, but then this came:

Oh my

Well I took a power nap and reread my message and a fresher brain is a little sheepish for probably coming off like a pompous ass. I’m nice to a fault more than anything and new to this cyber dating nonsense. I’m earthy and I’m certain I did not come off that way.
I will say that it has been very hard to find someone inteligent to talk to. Man I miss intelligent conversation. I’m even starting to lol and lmao and rofl. What has the effing world come to? 

    Hmmm…Okay, read the profile. Nothing in common. He’s sedentary, I’m athletic. He’s agnostic, I’m Christian. He talks about being funny but there’s nothing humorous at all about his profile. There are several indicators that he may be slightly insecure and carry a chip on his shoulder. AND he’s clearly got a decent-sized belly. (I know I’m shallow, but decent abs are a must for me.)  I click “No thanks,” and move on to the next 30 or so messages, winks and likes I need to review. (I try to give them all a good look if they’re even close to my age preference, education level and not ugly, and that takes more time than I have most days.)  As I’m just about to shut down Outlook for the night, one last message comes in:

Hey

At the end of the of the day, I have no interest in someone who doesn’t have the courage to speak and hides behind a button. I’m sorry I misjudged you as a strong, intelligent woman and sorry for wasting our collective time.

     (Note the underlying need to appear to be the rejector instead of rejected.) Of course, insulting me is going to make me change my mind. To quote many idiotic but accurate 90’s characters: NOT! But, for the sake of the other women who are likely to encounter this guy, for once I decide to respond – something I probably should not have done, but too late to un-spill that milk.

Before I block you, just be aware that a lot of women on this service get hundreds of messages. No one has time to answer them all. AND this system modifies the selections it makes for you based on who you actually email vs. clicking “No thanks,” so you follow the process to avoid getting too many recommendations you’re going to decline.

Clearly you have some serious personal issues you need to work out with a temper like that. I made the right call saying no thanks. Go get yourself right before you try to date, and keep in mind if too many end up blocking you, they’ll kick you off, so try to be nice.

     Okay, that last sentence was a run-on, but I doubt he’ll notice since he’s likely seeing red and struggled with spelling “intelligent” correctly earlier on. Fortunately, he won’t be able to tell me about it because I immediately clicked “Block from contact.”
     The take-away here is that you shouldn’t worry about what the rejected person is going to think when you click “No thanks” or whatever decline option your service offers you. If he’s got ego problems like this one clearly had, he’s going to get angry no matter what you say or do. So stick with the process – use the tools you’re given and stay safe and sane. If the guy (or gal) is rude, block that person from contacting you and report them if they seem dangerous.  There’s “you bruised my ego” rude like this guy, then there’s just plain crazy. Your instincts should inform you as to which is which. A minor under-handed insult like his will hurt no one, but if he threatens you or continues to harass you, do everyone else a service and report the nut job before he actually manages to hurt someone.
     Also, don’t do like I did in this case and engage someone who baits you in a conversation. I’ve gotten plenty of messages that were like this or worse as a result of saying “no.” (One retorted with a "and you call yourself slim" despite having sent me several messages extolling my beauty prior to my canned rejection.) I report them when it makes sense, block anyone who acts like that, and then delete their email. Keep in mind that any person who is rude to strangers isn’t worth your time.  Count your blessings you didn’t accept a date with him, then move on.
     Finally – listen to your gut when it comes to meeting men online. I made the mistake of convincing myself that one of them was okay despite my gut telling me otherwise.  We’ll just call him “Scary Stalker Guy.” Enough said.

Why Cohabitation is for Fools

I know, it's old fashioned to talk the "M" word these days.  (That's marriage, for you who fear it so much as to have forgotten it.) However, I can tell you with 100% certainty that if you have an income and a date that wants to combine homes without a legal commitment, you should run very, very far in the other direction.
      My ex was one of those people. He actually talked about marriage a lot, but it somehow only coincided with conversations that involved adding his name to my credit card or bank account, or letting him move into my apartment. Before I knew it, there still was no promised ring but he was inextricably ingrained into my financial life without one iota of legal protection. (Hint: marriage provides that protection.)
     You see, for a guy like my ex, cohabitation provides the excuse to combine finances, which normally means adding him to yours, sharing expenses (on your utility accounts) and assets, without any real legal method to remove him nor ensure he pays his share. You see, if you get married in most states, and the relationship falls apart, you generally are guaranteed to either leave with what you contributed or split it down the middle. If you aren't married but have combined assets, he can wipe you clean and continue to do so until you manage to convince a civil court to separate your finances. By then, you'll more than likely have accumulated a substantial amount of debt with no recourse to force him to pay his share. In fact, if you're sharing a home and/or financial accounts and aren't married, it will likely take anywhere from 6 to 24 months to see a dime of what you've lost in that situation.
     Of course, this avoidance of legal commitment to a relationship isn't exclusive to men. Whether you're male or female, you need to keep your eyes open before leaping into shared living arrangements.  (I know, I know. You're moving in together because you're so in love and you'll never break up. If that's the case, there's no reason you shouldn't head to the local Justice of the Peace and make it all official. If you're S.O. freaks at the suggestion, your con artist antennae should pop out to full attention.) 
     Smart singles, here are the top things you need to watch out for, and what you should do:

1. You've got a killer pad you worked hard to pay for and your S.O. thinks it would be a grand idea to just add him/her to the title or lease. Guess what? If you bought that condo or house and put your S.O.'s name on the title, you're going to have to buy him or her out in the event of the break-up. (Not much different than marriage.) Your S.O. can also effectively lock you out of your hard-earned abode in many states simply by filing a restraining order against you, and you'll have to go to civil court to resolve the matter. (Not like marriage.) If you're just renting or have bought your home, your S.O. is also free to walk out with every single item in that place with little to no legal recourse. IF you are silly enough to agree to live with someone without getting married first, at least document everything you purchased prior to moving in together and, as unromantic as it may seem, draw up a contract outlining how you'll divide property and equity in the event of a break-up. If your S.O. refuses to the agreement, DON'T let him move in!
2. Your sweetheart, in the interest of making life easier, suggests you add him/her to your accounts. Duh. NEVER add anyone to your bank account or credit cards prior to a marriage certificate. Many financial institutions require the other person remove himself or herself from your account, (which will never happen), and there is nothing to keep him or her from continuing to use that account following a break-up, nor from emptying it completely, or maxing out your credit, prior to moving out. Since your name is the primary, you're legally obligated to pay off those cards your sweetie maxed out. If it's your bank account and s/he runs off with your life savings, you have NO recourse because, by adding him or her as a signatory, you've given full permission to remove as much money as s/he pleases with or without your permission. However, if you're married, your ex will normally be forced via the process of divorce to repay half of what was in the account or charged to the card as of the date you separated. Big difference!
3. NEVER co-sign a loan for your S.O. If s/he wants to buy something large (like a car, boat, condo, etc.) or pay for school and you're not married, you could be stuck paying that bill long after your S.O. has jumped ship, and it WILL land on your credit if you don't. Again, you've got no legal recourse if you're not married. Marriage will at least force an equitable split of any debt and assets, allowing you to keep your ex's creditors off your back.
4. Your S.O. thinks it would make sense to give him or her permission to pick up your kids from their school or daycare. No matter how long you've been dating, if your kids' real parents are both still alive and in the area, your S.O. should only have this kind of access if you are married. No matter how in love you are at the moment, 1) kids should never be introduced to a date you don't plan to marry near-term, (it's too hard on them if the relationship doesn't work out) and 2) their safety and security should always be a higher priority than your love life.
5. Your S.O. wants to live together, but not get married, because s/he has fallen on hard times, was recently kicked out by a prior love, or is just perennially unemployed. If you really have to think this one through, well...

     I know it sucks to have to look at things this way, but the reality is that a person who isn't willing to marry you either isn't that invested in the relationship, is the type always looking for greener pastures, or is a common con artist. Such a lack of commitment is a cold, hard guarantee the relationship will fail sooner than later.  If he or she is more than six or seven years your junior, significantly more attractive than you are, or makes a lot less money than you, (or none at all), it's probably best to view that relationship for what it likely is: a great financial arrangement with no strings for your S.O. Just ask my ex's last rich, much older girlfriend. I'm pretty sure that little mistake cost her well into the six-figures. Sometimes the heart is blinder than a naked mole rat in a bottomless pit. (The mole rat at least has a better sense of smell.)
     If only I'd listened to people smarter than me, I'd still have most of my stock options and life savings. Yep - he cleaned me out and latched onto the next desperate, rich old widow he could find.

Women - Writing an Awesome Profile

Ladies, it’s tough getting a guy's attention online. We all know they’re going to click first on those profiles with a primary picture that reminds them of their favorite supermodel. Unfortunately, most of us over 30 don’t look like supermodels, which means the men our age are going to spend an inordinate amount of time getting rejected by gorgeous 20-somethings who are completely out of their league before they get around to reading our profiles.
     But it will happen eventually. Once they get over the fantasy that paying for a membership in an online dating service will win them a date with someone named Bundchen, most men will start looking at us normal ladies more seriously. And that’s where your profile becomes critical. So how do you get their attention?
     First of all, you need to be you. Don’t try to write a profile you think men will like. Instead, write a profile that reflects who you really are. Believe it or not, there will likely be someone out there it strikes a chord with. If you don’t like football, don’t pretend that you do. (In that case, don’t go searching for men who are obsessed with the sport, either, since that’s a recipe for disaster.) Just like us, most men, after they get over the “ooo, pretty” phase, are looking for someone who is genuine and with whom they feel a real connection.
     Leave out the negatives. Women who talk about their terrible exes are significantly less likely to get a response than those who save that conversation for offline. WAY after the first date. Or second, third, fourth... You really don’t need to share your sad stories about failed relationships unless your date brings it up. Then, you keep it short, sweet and light. Don’t talk about your health or family issues, either, unless it’s something your potential date absolutely must know. (I.e. Being wheelchair bound will affect a relationship, recovering from recent bunion surgery will not. Absolutely NO ONE needs to know you’re feeling better after that hemorrhoid procedure.)
     Keep it positive. For example: “I hate cowards,” comes across much better this way: “I love a man who is brave.” Instead of “Men who watch too many NBA games on TV suck,” try “I’m impressed by a guy who can take time out during basketball season to spend doing fun things with me.”  Okay, and if you do happen to love sports, you’ll have the best luck by saying “The Stars are my favorite NHL team. I never miss a game during hockey season,” rather than “Football fans are meatheads, bring on the NHL!”
     The majority of your profile should be about you, not about what or who you’re looking to meet. You’re most likely going to have just 500-800 words to describe yourself, so make the most of it. Tell a story. Make it interesting. Give the guys a reason to think “I have got to meet her!” Trust me, “I’m down to earth and like to cook and clean” isn’t likely to pique their interest. Unless they’re looking for a maid. Talk about your accomplishments but don’t brag. Be careful not to come across as a snob or a doormat.
     Watch out for over-used phrases and descriptions. “I love to laugh and have fun” appears in a large percentage of profiles. While it’s a safe bet, it’s also unoriginal and likely to get you passed over. Other words to avoid: “sweet,” “simple,” “grounded,” “housewife.” Translated: boring. Unless you have no pictures or need to explain something based on frequent feedback, you don’t need to talk about your physical appearance. Saying “I’m an attractive blond” is kind of silly when you’ve posted photos that confirm or deny that.  It is also futile to say “people tell me I’m pretty.” Definitely avoid talking about cup sizes, surgical enhancements or physical flaws as well.
     No bragging.  Men really hate to hear about how many other men are interested in you. While you may think it makes you sound desirable, it really just makes you sound conceited, so leave it out. “I get hit on all the time in bars” is a big turn off. (It should never come up in conversation, either, whether written or in person.) Sharing how you dated the defensive line of the local pro football team isn’t going to buy you any points, either.
     Finally, make sure your spelling and grammar are correct.  Don’t speak in “text” language, with the exception of using LOL, ROFL, or LMAO. (For some reason, those text phrases seem to increase responses.)  If you’re going to use an emoticon in your profile, go with “;-)” or “:-P.” The two-character emoticon tends to reduce response rates according to recent studies. Excessive use of emoticons will also turn men away. Try to keep it to one or two so you don’t look like you’re constantly laughing at your own jokes.
     Of course, you should talk a LITTLE bit about who you’re looking to meet. Avoid being too specific as it will cause many men you might actually like to rule themselves out. Here you also want to be original and maybe a little bit funny if that’s your nature. “Looking to meet a stable, loving, Christian man who wants a family” is extremely over-used. I once started a profile with “Seeking underwear model who is intelligent but dumber than me” and got tons of responses because it made it obvious I have a sense of humor. (Don’t steal this – it’s MINE!) If you’ve written a good profile, most men will be smart enough to figure out what’s important to you and whether or not they’re a possible match before they ever get to the couple of lines about who you’d like to meet. Oh, and stating what’s a no-go will probably backfire. I said “no cowboys” in my profile and immediately nearly every guy in a 10-gallon hat within a hundred miles messaged me about how they were different from other cowboys, or were country but not redneck. (I really just can’t stand country music, cowboy attire and pick-up trucks, so it didn’t really matter to me – I’m not dating a cowboy…EVER.) I digress. Again, just keep it positive, not too specific, but focus on basic must haves: educated (or not), likes to travel or prefers to stay home, funny vs. serious, superhero or villain. Give them an idea, but also give them a chance.

Tip: If you do happen to be supermodel gorgeous, it really won’t matter what your profile says. Almost every man online will click “like” when he sees your picture, then invite you to dinner. In that case, it’s okay to just list who you plan to reject. No one's going to read it anyway.

Bad Dates: The Grifter

We've all met them - the smooth-talking guy with the sad story who always seems to say just the right thing. He has an answer for everything, and it's usually one that tugs at the soft strings that bind a woman's heart.
   What really sucks is that these guys are usually amazingly attractive. They come across as deeply caring and can be incredibly romantic while they're trying to lure you in.
    My ex was a real ace at wriggling his way in. He watched classic musicals on TV and made me intricate valentine's cards with his own hands. He could charm a free beverage out of a chain restaurant manager and talk his way to the front of the line almost anywhere. He made friends easily and was inevitably the life of the party.
    Yet with all his charm and charisma, he couldn't hold down a job. He rarely paid his own bills and was quick with a believable excuse that had others falling over themselves to help him. Alarm bells should've rang out loud and clear when he started to wriggle his way into my home and financial accounts with little contribution in return. But these types of sociopaths are amazingly charming, and mine was no exception.
    The downside of dating a grifter is that you are never going to be the most important thing to him. He'll make you think you are, but there are always little hints, little signs, that his needs and his comforts are the only things that matter.
    Cut a grifter off financially and you can be assured he will have another sucker to finance his high class lifestyle lined up within days, that is, if he wasn't taking advantage of several women already.
    So, how can you tell if your date is a sociopath before you lose any cash to his charms? Here are a few common signs:

• He shares his sad story about the great misfortune he's recently experienced by the second date, especially around about that time the check shows up.
• He's never had a steady job or seems to have survived off the kindness of others for an extended period of time.
• Early on, he throws money around like it's nothing, but the well quickly runs dry due to some misfortune to which he has fallen victim, or he frequently loses his wallet when the bill arrives.
• Terrible things regularly happen to him at the hands of others. Nothing is ever his fault.
• None of his stories ever seem to make complete sense. (For example, he's a special forces operative but never served in the military. His ex-wife inexplicably threw him out and refuses to let him see the kids even though he is a great father. He's a VP at his company but never has any money to show for it. He's got an amazing mansion, but it's undergoing renovations so you can't see it. His good car is in the shop.)
• His ex-girlfriends (or wife/wives) are daytime talk show angry or bitter, or he does everything in his power to ensure you never cross paths.
• He oozes charm like a gulf oil spill but only uses it for his own benefit, never for anyone else.
• He goes out of his way to impress others but shows no interest in learning more about anyone else around him.
• He talks very early in the relationship about moving in with you and/or combining finances. Of course, when combining your bank accounts, only yours will pick up a second signatory.
• You start to feel guilty if you don't help him out or do what he wants and can't figure out why.
• He angers easily if someone disagrees with him and shows no remorse if he overreacts.
• He may find humor in others' misfortune or pain.
• He gets mad or lets you know what an idiot you are for helping that poor homeless person you just passed on the street.
• Basically, he's the kind of guy who wouldn't think twice about taking cash from your wallet on a second date then make you feel like it was your fault for leaving your purse out in the open. In fact, he might even convince you he was doing you a favor by teaching you a lesson.

If you meet this guy, run as fast as you can to the nearest exit. Otherwise, you will likely end up penniless and saddled with the costly remains of his grandiose lifestyle without any of the benefits. Come to think of it, the minute your guy starts telling you about how bad his last girlfriend/wife treated him and how he's down on his luck, hit the eject button. Even if he isn't a sociopath, he's not exactly a great catch. Normal guys keep the bad stuff to themselves during the early part of a relationship and only let their date pick up part of the check if she absolutely insists.