Bad Dates: The Grifter

We've all met them - the smooth-talking guy with the sad story who always seems to say just the right thing. He has an answer for everything, and it's usually one that tugs at the soft strings that bind a woman's heart.
   What really sucks is that these guys are usually amazingly attractive. They come across as deeply caring and can be incredibly romantic while they're trying to lure you in.
    My ex was a real ace at wriggling his way in. He watched classic musicals on TV and made me intricate valentine's cards with his own hands. He could charm a free beverage out of a chain restaurant manager and talk his way to the front of the line almost anywhere. He made friends easily and was inevitably the life of the party.
    Yet with all his charm and charisma, he couldn't hold down a job. He rarely paid his own bills and was quick with a believable excuse that had others falling over themselves to help him. Alarm bells should've rang out loud and clear when he started to wriggle his way into my home and financial accounts with little contribution in return. But these types of sociopaths are amazingly charming, and mine was no exception.
    The downside of dating a grifter is that you are never going to be the most important thing to him. He'll make you think you are, but there are always little hints, little signs, that his needs and his comforts are the only things that matter.
    Cut a grifter off financially and you can be assured he will have another sucker to finance his high class lifestyle lined up within days, that is, if he wasn't taking advantage of several women already.
    So, how can you tell if your date is a sociopath before you lose any cash to his charms? Here are a few common signs:

• He shares his sad story about the great misfortune he's recently experienced by the second date, especially around about that time the check shows up.
• He's never had a steady job or seems to have survived off the kindness of others for an extended period of time.
• Early on, he throws money around like it's nothing, but the well quickly runs dry due to some misfortune to which he has fallen victim, or he frequently loses his wallet when the bill arrives.
• Terrible things regularly happen to him at the hands of others. Nothing is ever his fault.
• None of his stories ever seem to make complete sense. (For example, he's a special forces operative but never served in the military. His ex-wife inexplicably threw him out and refuses to let him see the kids even though he is a great father. He's a VP at his company but never has any money to show for it. He's got an amazing mansion, but it's undergoing renovations so you can't see it. His good car is in the shop.)
• His ex-girlfriends (or wife/wives) are daytime talk show angry or bitter, or he does everything in his power to ensure you never cross paths.
• He oozes charm like a gulf oil spill but only uses it for his own benefit, never for anyone else.
• He goes out of his way to impress others but shows no interest in learning more about anyone else around him.
• He talks very early in the relationship about moving in with you and/or combining finances. Of course, when combining your bank accounts, only yours will pick up a second signatory.
• You start to feel guilty if you don't help him out or do what he wants and can't figure out why.
• He angers easily if someone disagrees with him and shows no remorse if he overreacts.
• He may find humor in others' misfortune or pain.
• He gets mad or lets you know what an idiot you are for helping that poor homeless person you just passed on the street.
• Basically, he's the kind of guy who wouldn't think twice about taking cash from your wallet on a second date then make you feel like it was your fault for leaving your purse out in the open. In fact, he might even convince you he was doing you a favor by teaching you a lesson.

If you meet this guy, run as fast as you can to the nearest exit. Otherwise, you will likely end up penniless and saddled with the costly remains of his grandiose lifestyle without any of the benefits. Come to think of it, the minute your guy starts telling you about how bad his last girlfriend/wife treated him and how he's down on his luck, hit the eject button. Even if he isn't a sociopath, he's not exactly a great catch. Normal guys keep the bad stuff to themselves during the early part of a relationship and only let their date pick up part of the check if she absolutely insists.