Why Cohabitation is for Fools

I know, it's old fashioned to talk the "M" word these days.  (That's marriage, for you who fear it so much as to have forgotten it.) However, I can tell you with 100% certainty that if you have an income and a date that wants to combine homes without a legal commitment, you should run very, very far in the other direction.
      My ex was one of those people. He actually talked about marriage a lot, but it somehow only coincided with conversations that involved adding his name to my credit card or bank account, or letting him move into my apartment. Before I knew it, there still was no promised ring but he was inextricably ingrained into my financial life without one iota of legal protection. (Hint: marriage provides that protection.)
     You see, for a guy like my ex, cohabitation provides the excuse to combine finances, which normally means adding him to yours, sharing expenses (on your utility accounts) and assets, without any real legal method to remove him nor ensure he pays his share. You see, if you get married in most states, and the relationship falls apart, you generally are guaranteed to either leave with what you contributed or split it down the middle. If you aren't married but have combined assets, he can wipe you clean and continue to do so until you manage to convince a civil court to separate your finances. By then, you'll more than likely have accumulated a substantial amount of debt with no recourse to force him to pay his share. In fact, if you're sharing a home and/or financial accounts and aren't married, it will likely take anywhere from 6 to 24 months to see a dime of what you've lost in that situation.
     Of course, this avoidance of legal commitment to a relationship isn't exclusive to men. Whether you're male or female, you need to keep your eyes open before leaping into shared living arrangements.  (I know, I know. You're moving in together because you're so in love and you'll never break up. If that's the case, there's no reason you shouldn't head to the local Justice of the Peace and make it all official. If you're S.O. freaks at the suggestion, your con artist antennae should pop out to full attention.) 
     Smart singles, here are the top things you need to watch out for, and what you should do:

1. You've got a killer pad you worked hard to pay for and your S.O. thinks it would be a grand idea to just add him/her to the title or lease. Guess what? If you bought that condo or house and put your S.O.'s name on the title, you're going to have to buy him or her out in the event of the break-up. (Not much different than marriage.) Your S.O. can also effectively lock you out of your hard-earned abode in many states simply by filing a restraining order against you, and you'll have to go to civil court to resolve the matter. (Not like marriage.) If you're just renting or have bought your home, your S.O. is also free to walk out with every single item in that place with little to no legal recourse. IF you are silly enough to agree to live with someone without getting married first, at least document everything you purchased prior to moving in together and, as unromantic as it may seem, draw up a contract outlining how you'll divide property and equity in the event of a break-up. If your S.O. refuses to the agreement, DON'T let him move in!
2. Your sweetheart, in the interest of making life easier, suggests you add him/her to your accounts. Duh. NEVER add anyone to your bank account or credit cards prior to a marriage certificate. Many financial institutions require the other person remove himself or herself from your account, (which will never happen), and there is nothing to keep him or her from continuing to use that account following a break-up, nor from emptying it completely, or maxing out your credit, prior to moving out. Since your name is the primary, you're legally obligated to pay off those cards your sweetie maxed out. If it's your bank account and s/he runs off with your life savings, you have NO recourse because, by adding him or her as a signatory, you've given full permission to remove as much money as s/he pleases with or without your permission. However, if you're married, your ex will normally be forced via the process of divorce to repay half of what was in the account or charged to the card as of the date you separated. Big difference!
3. NEVER co-sign a loan for your S.O. If s/he wants to buy something large (like a car, boat, condo, etc.) or pay for school and you're not married, you could be stuck paying that bill long after your S.O. has jumped ship, and it WILL land on your credit if you don't. Again, you've got no legal recourse if you're not married. Marriage will at least force an equitable split of any debt and assets, allowing you to keep your ex's creditors off your back.
4. Your S.O. thinks it would make sense to give him or her permission to pick up your kids from their school or daycare. No matter how long you've been dating, if your kids' real parents are both still alive and in the area, your S.O. should only have this kind of access if you are married. No matter how in love you are at the moment, 1) kids should never be introduced to a date you don't plan to marry near-term, (it's too hard on them if the relationship doesn't work out) and 2) their safety and security should always be a higher priority than your love life.
5. Your S.O. wants to live together, but not get married, because s/he has fallen on hard times, was recently kicked out by a prior love, or is just perennially unemployed. If you really have to think this one through, well...

     I know it sucks to have to look at things this way, but the reality is that a person who isn't willing to marry you either isn't that invested in the relationship, is the type always looking for greener pastures, or is a common con artist. Such a lack of commitment is a cold, hard guarantee the relationship will fail sooner than later.  If he or she is more than six or seven years your junior, significantly more attractive than you are, or makes a lot less money than you, (or none at all), it's probably best to view that relationship for what it likely is: a great financial arrangement with no strings for your S.O. Just ask my ex's last rich, much older girlfriend. I'm pretty sure that little mistake cost her well into the six-figures. Sometimes the heart is blinder than a naked mole rat in a bottomless pit. (The mole rat at least has a better sense of smell.)
     If only I'd listened to people smarter than me, I'd still have most of my stock options and life savings. Yep - he cleaned me out and latched onto the next desperate, rich old widow he could find.